A Weekend of Solitude

The boys have been home just a few days shy of 4 months now, and Scott returned to work three months ago on the night shift. That shift always takes a toll on our lives, but even more so when our old trailer air conditioning broke about two weeks ago and Scott has been unable to sleep out there. That is usually our “lifesaver” method of sanity while Scott works nights…he sleeps in the trailer on work nights so he is able to get some sleep without being woken up by the gaggle of kiddos.  When he sleeps inside the result is less sleep for Scott and more stress for me as I try to keep everyone quiet each day until 10:30 or 11:00 a.m.  – an impossible task! Tack on to that the fact Scott has been out of town the last two sets of his days off for special events, and you have the recipe for one tired, worn out, empty momma.  I decided I could really use a little time alone to seek the Lord and replenish my heart and soul.  God had just the right plan…He provided a wonderful personal retreat for me… for free!  My parents had an out of town obligation and their house would be sitting empty on the very days Scott had off from work. I threw a few clothes in a bag, took my Bible and a big ol’ stack of books, and left Friday at lunch.  It is never easy for a momma to leave her kids, even a tired momma. As I drove down the driveway my youngest daughter chased after me, waving goodbye with tears sliding down her cheeks. Sigh.  But I knew that I was running on empty and really needed the Lord to refresh my spirit. As the weekend began, my heart cry was, “Lord, I am tired and weary and I have given all I have to give. I am empty. I need you to hold me, speak to me, and give me your wisdom with how to proceed with our kids, and refill my empty heart and soul.”  As the weekend progressed… and it went so very slowly as I sat in an empty house, hearing NOTHING except the tick, tick, tick of a clock. (Who knew clocks made noise?)…the Lord brought the following to my heart and mind.  

This scripture was to become the “theme” of my get-away:

“For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness.” Psalm 107:9

And this scripture became by “action plan”:

“Let us search out and examine our ways,”

(What am I doing right, Lord? Where have I gotten off track and am doing wrong?”  

“ and turn back to the Lord”

(Give me your wisdom and the diligence to only do what you call me to do. Nothing more. Nothing less.)

“Let us lift our hearts and hands to God in heaven.”  Lamentations 3:40-41

(hearts = my attitude;  hands = my actions)

(Here are a few photos of what I enjoyed this weekend. My kiddos wanted to know "What are you going to do?!?!?"

a reading bubble bath...ahhhh!

a hot mocha I actually drank while it was hot!

an uninterrupted bible study time!

Who wouldn't love reading here?

 I was able to read most of a very interesting book, One Thousand Gifts  by Ann Voskamp, which challenges you to establish a life of thankfulness. Someone had challenged her to write out one thousand gifts the Lord had given her, and in doing so she came to realize this habit of thankfulness and awareness of the small blessings in life was the “flip side” of prayer…the time to open our eyes to all the Lord is doing around us and to thank him for it. The habit of being discontent can only be driven out by the habit of gratitude.

As a busy mom whose days seem to rush by in a blur of activity, I especially appreciated Mrs. Voskamp’s

Insights into the plague of busy-ness…how hurry makes us hurt and how always being in a hurry empties a soul.  I especially enjoyed this nugget:

                “Time is a relentless river…the only way to slow time is to enter into time’s swift current with the weight of all my attention right here.”

I can only slow the torrent by being all “here” in each moment, rather than rushing through tasks or  giving a child a cursory, “that’s nice” as I rush on to the next child or school subject. . I only life the full live when I live fully in the moment. Taking time to stop and look at the details around us and seeing all there is to be thankful for is key to living a joyful life.  

I also felt ministered to by these thoughts, which I admit I have read before and still forgotten:

      “We don’t have to earn our joy and blessings. They are gifts from God, which are freely given to us when we first come to Jesus and are saved. However, when we don’t trust God or fail to obey the personal guidance and correction we receive from the Holy Spirit, we sometimes build barriers that dam up the flow of power and prevent us from enjoying those things that are rightfully ours. God is not the one withholding these things. We are simply failing to appropriate them for ourselves."… 

and now the ZINGER….   

“Everything you need to become a joyful home-schooling mother is inside you right now. All you have to do is to peel off any layers you may have placed between yourself and God. … Stop trying to control everything and everyone around you. Give God control of your life. Learn to let go and trust Him. Trust the Holy Spirit to guide and direct the people in your life, including yourself. The joy and the blessings will return. “(Mary Hood, The Joyful Home Schooler)

The final blessing of the weekend was simply worshipping the Lord. I love our home church family and I know that is where the Lord has called us to be… discipling and ministering to our children in this season of life. To close out my retreat weekend, however, I went  to a different church all alone this Sunday morning and simply enjoyed standing and praising God without any distractions, hands raised and eyes closed, without worrying what havoc my small kiddos were wreaking in that brief moment! It was a time to be fully “there” in the moment (as I had been reading about), fully concentration on worshipping God, and it felt so good!

I know all the same issues are still here when I arrive back home, but the difference is a momma who is a little more well-rested, and one who has been nourished and replenished by time with her Lord. And THAT is the first thing on my personal list “One Thousand Gifts” to be thankful for.

(Book warning: after posting this, a friend emailed that she had read some negative books reviews about One Thousand Gifts, mainly concerning the final chapter. I did not read the entire book, so I can't speak to the final chapter, but I wanted to include her warning here about the final chapter containing "a sexual overtone in regards to the Lord, and one comment referred to her writing as "Extra Biblical"...reading into the Word something it doesn't say." So..read with discernment!)